Beyond Sleep and Shadows
by ErykahMiszti
Summary: It is time for some resolution for certain characters.


Content: This first story contains no AC, AL, SS or violence but the next ones will have all of the above. 

B5, it's characters and it's universe belongs to JMS, Warner Bros. and TNT. Me borrowing them for a short while to spin into my humble stories is the greatest mark of respect I know how to give. 

Spoilers: This contains spoilers for Season Four and for Season 5 in an abstract way. Despite the fact that I haven't yet seen season 5, I listen too closely to not hear things. In most stories of this series there are few direct references to anything but my own imagination. If you've seen through to the end of season 4 and know a little about the beginning of season 5 then no accepted knowledge will come as a surprise to you.

This is my first piece of B5 fanfic and it's probably the one of the set which will require the biggest leap of belief, so please be nice and stay with me through the bits that don't seem to make sense. It's not set in an alternate universe, just in other areas of this one.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

**_In the Beginning there was Babylon Five and, in the First galaxy, it was the last best hope for peace. It's place in the Great Story was assured before it was even built but every story has subplots and alternate possibilities. These are some of those possibilities.._**   


**** STORY 1: Beyond Sleep and Shadows ** **

By Erykah Miszti 

X ~ X ~ X 

> _"My old friend's faces are burned into my memory. They're so clear and close to me as if it were only yesterday that I'd seen them last. I know that we have seem to have little say in the paths down which our lives appear to lead. We are all characters in the Great Story, working our way through it's precisely woven threads and subplots. So, I cannot help but think of the Possibilities open to them in their lives and hope that each of them realises that the best stories, although they never have endings, have happy moments in which we find our own kind of closure."_

> _Minbari Sacred Text from the **Journal of Valen**, circa c.1300 (Earth Chronology)._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"You sent for me Entil'Zha." 

A male voice said from behind her and she turned to see a young human in a Ranger uniform. The sight of the uniform on the man made her remember things that she wanted to forget so, as always, she forced the memories away into the special place she had reserved for them in a corner of her mind. She had made her truce with the past and she would continue to observe it for the rest of her life. She focused back on the Ranger who stood in front of her. He was good looking in a way and had a lovely smile but he was far too young for her.

"Yes Michael." She spoke softly in a tone which spoke of the inner peace she had developed during her long years on Minbar. "Have the preparations been made for my journey?"

"They are all complete, Entil'Zha, and Babylon Five has been briefed for your arrival." He assured her and she just nodded her approval, instinctively adopting a manner which the young Ranger interpreted as wisdom. Well> She told herself. He is very young> "Is there anything else you wished me to arrange to make your journey more comfortable?" He asked with a deferential dip of his head. 

"No," She told him with a rare smile. "Michael, since you came here ten years ago I have come to regard you as a friend." He beamed at her.

"I wouldn't have presumed such an honour." He told her in a breathy tone which showed that he meant it. She was used to this manner of speech by now and her inner peace stilled the cynical voice which still rose to haunt her and decry the young man's words as obsequious bunkum. Once she would have truly believed that - hell, she had truly believed that of many peoples compliments - but now she accepted the statement at face value. She had followers but only one true friend she had managed to keep touch with. She would come to her soon and as yet she had no idea what she was going to tell her. First things first, she chided herself. Michael was as close to a friend as any of the Rangers could ever be. 

"Still," she insisted. "you are my friend and that's why you deserve to know." She drew her peace around her even as she drew her Ranger cloak around her. "I wont be returning from Babylon Five." There, she had finally said the words outside of herself.

There was silence for a second as he took in her words.

"May I come with you?" He asked at length. "I seek only to serve you." 

"Only one other will be coming with me along the road I travel." She told him, her statement more cryptic than he could ever understand. It was almost cryptic enough for a Vorlon. She smiled despite herself. She had spent far too long on Minbar "You will be of better service here. The new Ranger One will need you to guide them as well as you have guided me." 

"Who will be the new Anla'Shok Na?" He asked.

"That's not my choice to make." She answered calmly, then smiled. "No need to look so sad Michael. This is no end; for me it's just another beginning and for you it is a continuation of the life you were born to lead." She reached out to him and he took her hand as he often had before. Her status and her training gave her the strength she needed to pass strength to him. "Live your life without regrets and know when the end comes that you have completed everything you need to do."

"Do you have any regrets Entil'Zha?" He asked, looking into her eyes for the first time in their entire encounter. He was saddened by the sheen of tears that coated them. 

"Yes." She replied honestly after a long moment. "but I know which I have the power to remedy and which were meant to be to make me capable of the things I don't regret." She clutched his hand a little tighter. "Don't cry for me Michael. I'm going home." 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"I thought I would find you here." A familiar voice stated. She turned from watching the Rangers practice with their pikes to fix her eyes on the figure of Delenn standing in the doorway. 

"For the longest time I never understood why someone would fight with a pike, or a sword for that matter, when they could have a PPG in their hand." She told her.

"And you do now?" Delenn asked. Her whitening hair swung below her bone crest as she inclined her head in question. She smiled.

"I understood it the first time I held one in my hands, the first time I used it. Frankly the first time I nursed the bruises from a pike fight." 

"John never meant to hurt you." Delenn replied seriously, taking the statement the wrong way as she always did. She smiled down at Delenn indulgently, all the peace and calm of her position as Entil'Zha left her in the presence of her old friend. The conversation breathed new life into her and stirred good memories, which countered but did not defeat the bad ones. 

"I'm leaving for Babylon Five in a few hours." She told her. 

"I know." Delenn said solemnly. "In fact, I have a favour to ask you." 

"Anything." 

"Please give this to David." Delenn handed her a small box.

"What is it, if you don't mind me asking?" 

"I do not know what is inside it. John asked me to send it to David with you when you returned to Babylon Five."

"How did he know that I ever would?" She asked, injecting a flippant note that reminded Delenn of the person she used to be before she came to Minbar. 

"He had faith in you. He knew that you would not be able to stay away." 

"I miss him." She admitted with sudden tears blurring her sight. Delenn took her hand and smiled into her eyes. Her face and her words were calm but her eyes also held tears.

"There is no need. He is always with us." She stated. "He is waiting for me until we can cross beyond the veil together."

The simplicity of the statement did not surprise her, she had heard Delenn speak like this many times since John had died. Delenn's simple faith in her eternal love moved her greatly and gave her hope that her journey to Babylon Five would end as she had come to believe it would.

"Do you ever feel as if he deserted you by dying?" She asked Delenn.

"No." Came the firm reply. "He died for all of us at Z'Ha'Dum, that is the reality. Lorien brought him back because he loved me. Every day of his life was a blessing to me. He did what he felt was right, how could I doubt such unselfish actions?" Her pause was loaded. "How can YOU doubt?"

"I don't doubt John." She said quickly.

"I did not mean John." Delenn stated. "I know why you are returning to Babylon Five, did you think you could hide it from me?"

"I didn't know how to tell you but I never meant to hide it."

"When you came to Minbar, you were a sickening soul..." Delenn began.

"I was a mess." She cut in. "Physically, emotionally, every way I could be. I still would be if not for you and John." 

"No, we did not save your soul. You did that for yourself. Just as you became Entil'Zha by yourself and not because of us. You have a great strength inside you and a great compassion for others." 

"I'm scared Delenn." She whispered harshly. "What will happen when....?"

"You will know what to do."

"It's been so long. I haven't...shown love for anyone for....well...!" She finished with a defeated shrug. Delenn smiled broadly.

"There are degrees of love. I had my love for John, but I also have my love for you and I have my love for Minbar, and for the Rangers. I still have my love for Babylon Five and everything it has stood for. You have love for similar things?"

"Yes." She stated simply. Delenn gave a grin that was reminiscent of her dead husband and nodded firmly. 

"I have always known that, even if you have not. John knew too and that is why he knew that you would return to Babylon Five at this time. As will I, when my time is right."   
  


- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

The image of the slowly rotating space station set against a tableau of stars and the immense bulk of Epsilon 3 was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She wished that she could just let the tears fall but she was conscious of the Minbari escort sat across from her. Someone in her position did not cry in public and there was also the fact that she did not want to arrive on the station with eyes that were red from crying. It might spoil her reputation. The shuttle shook a little as it docked with the station and the movement sent small stabs of pain through her old bones. 

Although it felt to her as if she had lived for a thousand years, she was not an old woman and she kept herself in excellent physical and mental shape with daily workouts to stimulate both her body and her mind. She could still beat the young Rangers with a pike or with her bare hands. She had learned to embrace her telepathic abilities and use them to reach out to people, rather than shut them out. She could speak all three Minbari caste languages, plus fifty other alien tongues and dialects. She could think in Minbari, in fact she preferred to when she needed to remain calm. She was Entil'Zha, Ranger One, despite having joined the Rangers late in life and after all the great wars ended. She had won their respect and they had won hers. Joining the Rangers on Minbar had saved her life, changed her and expanded her. It had given her insight into the universe and the alien races which populated it. She had traveled to a hundred worlds and spoken with kings, emperors, ambassadors, presidents and, most importantly, the ordinary people of the worlds. She had lived two lifetimes worth - because she had to - and now she knew with perfect clarity that she would never do any of those things again. 

She was back at Babylon Five and it was her final stop. It was home.

She disembarked the shuttle looking confident but feeling a mass of nerves inside. She called upon her training to find her calm centre but the sheer excitement of being here made her want to grin in a manner that would be most undignified for someone in her position. So instead she straightened her long robes with an elegant flourish and contented herself with a small smile. Half the power of her position came from the uniform, symbolically and psychologically. For the strength she needed she touched her Ranger pin and thought of Delenn. A deep breath was enough and she entered the station.

Customs was exactly as she remembered it. Chaotic. Everywhere uniformed station personnel welcomed visitors and traders with as much diplomacy as they could muster. Meanwhile representatives of every race in the galaxy chatted and smiled and coaxed and argued and hated and loved in the open spaces, bars, halls and corridors. A man in uniform asked for her identacard and she handed it over casually. He looked at it and then smiled up at her. She knew what he was thinking, he was in the presence of a legend. The label disgusted her as it always had. 

"Welcome back to Babylon Five, Admiral." He gushed, using her Earth Alliance title rather than any of her Minbari ones. "Will you be staying long?" 

"Yes." She answered and walked away from him. She knew that she had left him confused and curious. She had given him a Vorlon answer but he could not have known that. He was too young to really remember. 

She walked into the Zocalo and was overcome by the memories. The first time she had come aboard and been met by Jeff and Michael, the first time she had met John, Delenn, Lennier, Londo, G'Kar, Lyta, Vir and all the others. Standing in this space giving orders and trying to keep people calm. Yelling at the Drazi ambassadors, she couldn't help but smile at that one. Talia. Marcus. But these were memories she had come to confront. She could not allow herself to think she had truly changed until she faced the places where she had experienced so much. 

She was startled when she saw one of those ghosts walking towards her. Clearing her mind with difficulty and concentrating on the figure. She smiled inside. Not a ghost, but a person she knew well. David Sheridan formed his hands into the traditional greeting and bowed to her.

"Greetings Entil'Zha." He said in a voice that was a perfectly disconcerting a combination of his parents. "The station staff is entirely at your disposal and I've had the finest quarters in the place arranged for you." She smiled knowingly up at him.

"So formal David." She replied, after she had bowed back. Her hands remained in the form of the greeting to aide her in keeping her peace, as well as to stop her from throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him senseless. "Your mother would be upset that you greeted an old friend in such a manner." He grinned and it was all his fathers. The force of it was like a bright light in a dark room.

"No she wouldn't. She would be proud of me for greeting Entil'Zha in the manner she deserved, as a respected member of Minbari society, and not as the Voice of the Resistance, the civil war legend. A label she knows very well that you hate." He touched her arm. "Welcome _home_ Aunt Susan." He kissed her cheek fondly.

Susan Ivanova gave in to the inevitable and wound her arms around his neck, returning his kiss on the cheek. He held her tightly, both of them gaining strength from the familiar embrace.

"I've missed you David." She told him and drew back to look him in the eye. "So has your mother." Her tone was mildly scolding.

"I know. I've been meaning to go and visit her but you know how things get on this station." Right on cue the Link on his hand bleeped demandingly. They let go of each other and he answered the call.

"Sheridan. What is it?" He asked irritably.

"Captain, there's a problem in Medlab."

"Well then send in Mister Mallory and don't bother me again today unless the station is **dissolving**. I'm spending the day reacquainting Admiral Ivanova with..." 

"But Captain, the problem in Medlab...it's Mister Garibaldi."

David Sheridan rolled his eyes and swore, then apologised to Susan. She smiled because he felt the need to apologise to her because of her position as a Minbari semi-religious figure, not to mention as his honorary aunt . She'd said much worse in her time as Commander on this station.

"I'll be right there." He said into the Link and shrugged apologetically at her. "I'm sorry. I have to go. I'm sure that you'll be able to find your way on your own for an hour or so." 

"Is there something wrong with Mister Garibaldi?" She asked, ignoring his attempt to leave her.

"Nothing that a few hours of sleep and an aspirin wouldn't solve." He muttered grimly. 

"I haven't seen Garibaldi in years. Do you mind if I come with you?" 

Anyone who knew Susan would know that she wasn't really asking to go - no matter how calm she sounded - she was issuing an order. David merely indicated that she should lead the way. He smiled as she did so with all the authority he had come to associate with her. 

Age had not dimmed her fire, it had intensified it's passion and mellowed it's blatant aggression. He loved her as much as he loved his parents. Her arrival on Minbar had come late enough into his life for him to remember the first day he saw her. He'd been seven years old. She had been wearing an EarthForce uniform with the bar of a Admiral, covered by a tattered and frayed Ranger cloak. Her hair had been a wild cloud around her head and she'd been demanding to see his father. He'd hidden and watched their meeting as the strange woman had ranted and raved at his father about Shadows, Vorlons, the Rim, someone called Lorien, death, life and love. She had insisted that she wanted to go beyond the Rim to find 'It' and she wanted a ship from him so that she could. He wouldn't give her one because he wouldn't let her risk her life on such a small chance. She had been frantic, violent, demanding, until she had finally broken down and cried in John Sheridan's arms. From then she had been a permanent fixture in all their lives; first as a house guest and then as a Ranger and finally as Entil'Zha. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"Please...Mister Garibaldi...just stop..." Doctor James Travis could do little but plead as he watched Michael Garibaldi ripping a section of the Medlab wall open with his bare hands. "If you just tell me what it is you think you'll find..." His pleas fell on deaf ears as Garibaldi continued to search inside the gap he'd made.

"I know he put it here." He mumbled thickly. His mind had seemed so clear in the bar but somehow between there and Medlab he'd lost track. Finally his searching hand found it's objective, a single data crystal. He grinned as he pulled it out and examined it. There didn't seem to be any damage.

"Dammit Garibaldi what are you doing to MY station!" A familiar voice stated out of the past and Garibaldi turned instinctively, snapping to attention at the cool authority it contained. 

The crystal was momentarily forgotten as he took in the figure in the doorway. He had expected to see a young woman in a black uniform with her long dark hair neatly pulled into a ponytail, but that was the distant past and this figure was real enough. The woman in the doorway was obviously older. The hair now had more grey than brown and it fell in gentle waves around her head. It was her clothes which threw him. The Ranger uniform had been the same for over a thousand years but he had never expected to see it on her. Her pin caught the light in a manner that made it appear alive. The face was the same though; the lines of age had not creased it badly and the eyes flashed a familiar fire.

"Now I know I've had too much to drink." Garibaldi stated with a wry smile. He walked towards her. "I could have sworn that I heard the ghost of Commander Ivanova." His face spilt into a grin that Susan reciprocated. Garibaldi reached past his not inconsiderable stomach and drew her into a mammoth bear hug that lifted her off of the ground. For a moment the past disappeared and neither cared about how they looked or who was watching. "It's been too long." He said into her hair as he put her down.

"I'm sorry about that." She replied sincerely, then drew back. "And what the hell were you doing over there?" She snapped but it was only for show. The Medlab staff didn't know that though; they'd all heard the rumours about the Psi Cop and the airlock... 

Garibaldi held up the crystal and smiled wryly.

"A present." He waved it about in front of her. "I heard you were coming and I figured I knew the reason. Stephen left this for you." Susan took it and looked at it. It was just a data crystal.

"He hid it in the wall?" David Sheridan asked. Garibaldi had been so intent on Susan that he only just noticed the captain and acknowledged him with a slight nod. 

"Seemed safe I guess. Things were pretty intense back then." Garibaldi shrugged.

"What's on it?" Susan asked although she had a suspicion that she already knew. She cut him off before he could say it. "Marcus?" 

Garibaldi rubbed the back of his neck and smiled wryly in an eerily familiar gesture. He looked shamefaced. 

"We all felt bad Susan. It seemed the least we could do."

"It WAS the least you could do." She spat viciously, surprising even herself. She thought that she had worked out all her anger about that time. Still this trip was about confronting that past before it was too late. She regained her composure by silently chanting a calming mantra. Garibaldi continued talking quickly. Frankly, he sounded drunk.

"Well the crystal should say how to revive him safely, then you can do whatever you need to." He slurred slightly. Her head snapped up and her eyes met his.

"How do you know what I'm going to do?" She demanded in a hiss. Garibaldi had to fight to counter the urge to step back from her. Suddenly this Ivanova was as frightening as the old one. He held up his hands in surrender.

"Hey, I just assumed that you had found a potion or a spell or something." He gestured at the Ranger get up. "I thought maybe the Minbari had a ritual that might..." He tailed off, getting no where. Her face went from terrifying anger to utter stillness, which was infinitely scarier. "Ok-a-ay." He gave up.

"David, I think I need to go to my quarters now." Susan said calmly.

"Let me walk with you." Garibaldi said softly. 

"No thank you Michael." She replied blandly and turned away. He caught her arm.

"Susan?" He blurted and she looked up into his eyes. She smiled reassuringly.

"How about we meet for a drink later?" She suggested sincerely.

"For old times sake?" He smiled and let go of her arm.

"What else is there?" She replied. 

Susan stepped back and placed her hands into the traditional triangle. Then she bowed reverently to him and enjoyed watching the expression on Garibaldi's face as she pulled on her full Entil'Zha persona like a cloak. 

"Until later." She told him and left Medlab smiling to herself. 

She didn't see the troubled look that crossed Garibaldi's features as his eyes met David Sheridan's. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

After David had left Susan sank down into the couch and drank in the room. It felt so strange to be back here after so many years. The room seemed alien to her, in fact it was alien to her. Technology had been built up on top of technology over the years like the layers of a Black Forest cake and the station was really starting to show it's age. Just like her. Now that she was here she felt so old and unsure about what she was going to do. It had seemed easier on Minbar where they were only good memories and positive thoughts. 

Her meeting with Garibaldi had shown that in some ways she hadn't changed at all. She had genuinely believed that she was no longer easy to anger. Perhaps she had merely had nothing to be angry about since she joined the Rangers. Had she really cleared up her past or had she just given up on examining it? A week ago, even a day ago she would have said that she was clear on everything. What was it about this place that seemed to stir everyone and everything up. Maybe something, some powerful force, had interpreted that as the true intention of it's builders. It seemed that they had created a place that was a pure catalyst. A genuine chaos demon. A place of shadows. 

Our last best hope... for what? It had been everything in its time. 

B5 is mother... B5 is father... 

Ghosts lingered everywhere; real? Imagined? Was there a difference? 

Garibaldi had struck so close to the mark. For seven years she had deluded herself into thinking she could find something to ..hah...'cure' Marcus. She'd poured herself into other people's wars as a forgetting, but every time someone suggested that they had a lead on something she would jeopardize everything to hunt it down. By the end she'd been ready to throw herself beyond the Rim to find something. In all that time she never actually stopped to think why she was fighting so hard. Valen's name, she'd been stupid. It had taken John yelling at her to finally snap her out of it. If she'd never gone to Minbar she would have been truly lost. She might even have found some way to carry out her stupid half formed plan of heading out past the Rim. Trying to find Lorien, or someone else like him, had seemed such a rational idea to her crazed mind. 

She wasn't really sure how she wound up as a Ranger but she had a suspicion that the explanation lay somewhere between Delenn's plotting and John's cajoling. At first she'd had difficulty at first every time she heard the name Valen. She'd truly believed that she would never be able to speak that name as the others did, knowing what she did about Sinclair. Time, the universe and other events had cured her of that notion. Valen was Sinclair and Sinclair was Valen and the name was the only difference between them. The more she learnt about the past, the more she respected him and the more she respected him the more natural it became to regard him as the others did. Her knowledge became a help to her believing. After all, Jeff was real and that made Valen real and she had trusted that Jeff knew what was best to do. From there it was a short jump to believe that Valen knew best and she grew to cherish the stories of him and respect the name. Others, Delenn and John included, saw her dedication and her growing belief, as well as her leadership abilities. She achieved their respect for her devotion and her talents. She was respected even amongst members of the warrior caste for her skills as a tactician and a warrior. As her belief rose, her anger dissipated and she learned to trust her colleagues and rely on them. As they worked on operations as a team, almost more like a family, she put aside her fear of losing them to death. Time marched on and she began to accept that it was inevitable. She began to believe in Delenn's simple statement when she spoke of her and John's inevitable deaths. 

"We will pass beyond the veil and face whatever exists there together with everyone who has gone before us. Just as we faced this life, we will stand together in the next." 

Then, after ten years, during a strange, secret mission for the Rangers, she had faced Marcus' ghost in a manner she had never admitted to anyone else. In the main this was because they would have never have believed her. In fact she wasn't sure that she believed it had ever really happened. However, when things returned to normal, she knew that she would return to Babylon Five one day and she knew what she would do.

Of course, that had been then and this was now. Twenty-three years she had kept her faith. She had been so sure and she'd packed in as much as she could. She had lived both their lifetimes as a Ranger and as an ambassador and then as Entil'Zha. She'd thrown herself into life with the same passion she had used to avoid it. And she loved... with her heart but not her body. An admittedly twisted remnant of memory stopped her each time someone broached the subject. She never meant to remain celibate, it just never seemed right with anybody, and after she became Entil'Zha no one even offered anymore. For some reason the title intimidated people even more than her reputation did. She'd never found a rational for it but it didn't matter much to her. Twenty-three years she'd been celibate and no one had ever tempted her enough to make her forget the last man who'd touched her. She could still feel his hands and taste his kisses. It had been....weird, but it had been enough. 

Susan sat there on the couch in her quarters on Babylon 5, wishing for a bottle of vodka, like a ghost of the person she had been so many years ago. She felt insubstantial and very tired. She wished that she could contribute the condition to her ragged emotions, but she knew that was a lie. She had no fear other than the thought she would not get everything worked out before the veil fell over her eyes. Time, which had seemed so long, now appeared interminably short and insignificant. 

"Computer, what's the time?" She called out suddenly.

"Current station time is 1900 hrs 23 minutes." The answer came back almost instantly.

"So what's stopping me?" She asked herself out loud and got no external answer. "Nothing I guess." She told herself and dragged herself up off the couch. 

Searching through her luggage she found the syringe and clicked in a single cartridge. Finding her centered place, she injected herself. She hated doing it but the pain was getting beyond her ability to control it. It had started last year, a small ache in her back, and she'd dismissed it as a pulled muscle. She'd slackened up on her workouts for a while but the pain had gotten worse. She'd used her training to suppress it. When she'd finally gone to a hospital, during one of her rare times on Earth, the doctor had adopted a grim expression and told her that it was cancer in the spinal cord. She had a few months at best and there was nothing they could do apart from give her pain killers. He had expected her to be upset but she'd actually laughed, filled with a sudden inexplicable exhilaration. She was ready for whatever came but, this time, she was going to play it her way.

Of course, with the way the universe always seemed to have stacked itself up against her, she should have known that things wouldn't work out her way. Garibaldi wasn't supposed to be here for a start and that data crystal that Stephen had left for her had thrown her another curve. Her plans felt as if they were going off the rails. Why had she agreed to meet Garibaldi tonight? She'd wanted to haunt the station for one last night and then head to the cryo unit in the morning but not with Garibaldi in tow. She flicked absently through her luggage; her clothes were meagre and she really wasn't sure how she wanted to spend tonight. She should wear her uniform but somehow she didn't want to. Tomorrow she would wear it, she needed to tomorrow, but tonight she had an irrational urge to party like the Drazi. 

She reached for her one nice gown; a green silk that she had last worn when John was alive. As if the name in her mind had called it up, the box which Delenn had given her for David fell out of the bag. She picked it up and studied it carefully. It was a typical Minbari religious box with an image of the Tri-luminary stenciled onto the lid. About six inches across and decorated in blue and pink, it was exquisite and intriguing. There didn't seem to be any mechanism for opening it and yet it seemed to be locked. Susan hoped that David knew how to open it. 

She changed into her green silk dress but, suddenly unable to part with it, she threw her cloak around her shoulders. The dress still showed but it's blatant sexiness was tempered with the wisdom which the cloak seemed to exude. Thankfully the pain in her spine had receded. She found her calm place, took the box and left her quarters. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Susan rang the chime on David's door.

"Who is it?" His voice asked through the small speaker.

"It's Susan." She replied, leaning forward although there was no need. She fingered the box, unknowingly tracing the pattern on the lid. The door opened and Susan went inside.

David came across to her smiling.

"Aunt Susan." He said her name with her favourite title as a outgoing breath. "How are your quarters? Is there a problem?"

"No problem. I have a mission from your mother. She told me that your father asked for this box to go to you when I came to Babylon Five." 

"My father?" He asked, a stillness having taken him over.

"Yes." She replied. "You never quite get used to it when people send messages from beyond the grave but your father **is** one of the _prolific_ ones." 

"Now you sound like my mother." 

"Thank you. I cant think of a better compliment." She moved to leave but he stopped her.

"Uh, I think I'd prefer if you stayed with me while I open this." He gestured with the box. 

"The message is probably for you alone." She told him.

"Please." He begged.

By way of an answer she took a seat in the familiar quarters. It really didn't seem that there was much of a difference in here since her time. Frankly, it was disturbing.

David examined the box for a few minutes.

"How do I open it?" He finally asked perplexed.

"You don't know?" She questioned with a shocked expression, then looked skywards. At least what was technically skywards, it didn't seem to make much difference on a rotating space station. "Thanks John, a message we can't open." 

"Maybe it's organic." David suggested. "Perhaps it needs a telepathically sent password."

"But why would John send that to you. You're not a telepath." Comprehension dawned as she watched his expression change and focus on her. She sighed and looked up again. "Funny. Okay, I'll give it a try." She searched for calm again. It was difficult in coming. "Send the box with Susan, she'll open it." She muttered and tried harder for calm. "Okay John, what would it be? Any ideas?" She threw the second question at David. He shrugged.

"I have no idea why he would send me a message or why he'd send it with you, but maybe that's the key. Not me but you." He looked at her curiously. "I haven't wanted to ask, but why have you come here? You haven't been near the place in over thirty years. Why now?"

Susan looked at her honorary nephew and the son of the man who, right now, she would have liked to strangle. Could he have guessed that she'd do this? He might be the only one who would. If he had guessed then the password could only be one thing. It was worth a shot. Susan concentrated on the box and said one word inside her mind. The box sprang open in his hands. David grinned his fathers smile.

"You did it! What was the password?" He asked.

"Just a name." She said sadly. 

"You don't have to tell me what you're doing here." He told her softly.

"If what I think that box contains is what it actually contains, I think your father is going to tell you for me." 

David opened the box to reveal a folded up piece of paper and a data crystal. The paper was addressed to Susan Ivanova. David handed it to her and she, reluctantly, took it. Carefully she opened out the folds and read the message.   
  


> _Susan,_

> _Good luck and see you soon._

> _Love John_

She couldn't help it. She burst out laughing. He knew alright. 

"What's it say?" David asked.

"Nothing." She answered honestly. It was a nonsense message. "Just John's twisted sense of humour."

"You want to view the crystal?" He asked, with a puzzled look in his eyes.

"I don't think we have much choice." She replied and carefully refolded the message. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"So David, I want you to help Susan in any way you can. Provide her with the facilities to revive him and then follow her instructions about what she wants to do next." John Sheridan's voice told them from beyond the grave. "Susan, good luck, seriously." His lips twitched. Susan, abandoning her calm place altogether, wanted to throw something at his image on the screen. "I hope you find everything you want." This time he was serious. "Goodbye David." His smile for his son was indulgent. The screen blipped off as the message ended.

It had been the most contrived speech she had ever heard. He'd neatly explained to David everything that she could never have managed and yet he didn't tell him exactly what she planned to do. He made it sound like she had found a 'secret potion', as Garibaldi had put it. Yet he knew. She knew him well enough to see that. If she did meet up with him somewhere else, then she was going to kill him all over again. Still, he had ensured his sons co-operation in what she wanted to do. He'd also mentioned Stephen's hidden data crystal which Garibaldi had gone to such pains to retrieve for her. Since it only contained medical instructions, she doubted that she needed to take a look at it.

"Valen's name." David muttered and then looked at her. "What a secret to carry around for all these years. I knew there was something about you that you kept hidden, I thought it was probably something that happened during the war...a battle or something..." He trailed off.

"No." She stated. "Just an irritating obnoxious man who gave his life for me." 

"He was a Ranger. Was that why you joined up?" David asked. It was something she'd hadn't considered until now. Bearing in mind John's note, Susan suspected that she'd been pushed into it.

"It was the right thing to do." She didn't realise that her answer sounded like a yes to him.

"And is it the right thing to bring him back to life?" 

"The sixty-four thousand credit question!" Susan replied inadequately. "I don't know, but I can't just leave him there forever. It's already been too long. I've been selfish and now it's time to give something back."

"You're not going to...try to use the machine..."

"No! I never want to see that thing again. Ever." She was adamant. "It's simpler than that." She added softly.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"What'll it be?" The bartender asked her.

"Vodka." Susan told him. 

"I'll have the same." A voice said behind her and Garibaldi slid onto the stool next to her. "Penny for them."

"Not worth that much." She replied, turning in her seat to look at him. Age had made him...portly. Yet the weight gave him an added authority that he really didn't need. He looked well fed and in the advancing years of a full and exuberant life. It was the truth in a way. His hair, the small part which remained, was pure white and a little too long for it to suit him. 

"What happened?" He asked.

"When?" She asked.

"When you left B5, of course." He smiled.

"That's a lot of history you're asking for." She commented, just as the vodka arrived. "Just leave the bottle." She told the bartender and he did. 

"How about you explain that instead." Garibaldi suggested gesturing at the bottle. 

"I want to be drunk." She explained.

"Is that a good idea if we're waking Marcus up tomorrow?" He sounded concerned. She hated that.

"All the better reason." She remarked bitterly.

"Sounds like you don't want to do it." He picked up his glass and took a small sip. It was vile.

"Shows how much you know." She finished her glass and poured another.

"What's wrong Susan?" He touched her arm.

"Nothing." She replied and sent him a big fake grin. "See, all happy and fun. And what's this 'we' business. I'm the reason he's there. I'm waking him up. On my own."

"Drunk?" Garibaldi's mouth twitched into a smile.

"Alive." She replied, looking him straight in the eyes. 

"You've done plenty with the life he gave you Susan. Made a difference. I've heard about your work with the Rangers. You're even respected by the Minbari warrior caste and they're not easy to please."

"It wasn't enough Michael." She said sadly.

"He wouldn't have wanted it any other way. He'll be happy."

"But I'm not." Her eyes flashed fire, then dropped to her drink. She moved quickly and downed it, then turned to Garibaldi. Tears were on the edge of spilling over. She looked frantic. "I love him." She gasped. 

Garibaldi was shocked at the sudden display of emotion from his long lost friend and gave in to his instinctive reaction to put his arms around her. She let him for a long moment, then she forcibly pulled back and reset her composure with an effort. She poured herself another drink.

"Not going to say anything?" She said just before she took a sip of her drink.

"When did you know?" He asked softly, looking down at his hand as he closed it around his drink on the bar.

"All along." She replied and took another sip.

"But you acted like you hated him."

"Everyone I love dies." It was no explanation.

"I'm hurt." Garibaldi stated and clasped his heart theatrically. "I'm still alive, does that mean what I think it means."

"That I don't love you?" Susan came back on form with a wry smile. "Sorry Michael." Mock-apologetic. Only joking. She looked away. "I've always cared about you Michael but you were in your own hell when I left and then things happened."

"I know. We lost touch. It's happens." He shrugged. "Anyway, we're both here now."

"I'm leaving tomorrow." She told him flatly.

"I thought you were staying indefinitely." He remarked.

"Tomorrow. Gone." She made a gesture with her hand like a fighter hurling through space. "Out of here." 

"What about Marcus? That must be some potion you have if you think he'll be okay to travel by the end of tomorrow. Unless you planning on leaving him here."

"No, he'll be coming with me. And it's a ritual, not a potion. I found it on Minbar with Delenn's help and with John's I guess." She relaxed, grinned and proceeded to refill his glass. "Tomorrow will take care of itself. Tonight, my elderly friend, we drink."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

She dressed carefully, not least because she was nursing a monster hangover. There had to be an easier way to have gotten enough into her system. Still it had been interesting. She and Garibaldi had drank and danced and drank and gambled and sang and drank until the early hours. Almost like old times. Almost.

Susan adjusted the pin on her uniform and crossed to her luggage where she pulled out a cloth bag. Inside was something she'd borrowed and had to return. She reached for her brush and pulled it through her hair a few times. It was too late to dye it and get rid of the white. For so long she hadn't really minded what she looked like but she was suddenly aware of the thirty years since he'd last looked at her and told her that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. What would he think now? Paranoia drew her over to the mirror and had her scanning her face for lines and wrinkles. She saw them where there were none and went through seven kinds of hell wondering what he would say. Finally she realised her stupidity and turned away from the mirror in disgust. Anyway, there wouldn't be enough time for that kind of concern. 

It was time. It was way past time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

He looked as if he were just sleeping. Thirty years in her past. And he was just sleeping. 

Susan had nearly gagged when she first saw him lying there on the mockery of a bed in a blue medical gown. She was ready to turn and run, then the Ivanova blood had kicked in and kept her rooted to the spot. Her features set into a cold mask but her heart was pounding like crazy. A twinge hit her spine with a shot of pain. She'd already taken her pain killers for today. Her syringe and cartridges were under her cloak next to her pike. The calm place seemed so far away that she couldn't reach it. It felt to her as if it was the Ivanova of thirty years ago who was standing there, not her. She did not feel older. She did not feel wiser. The years were drifting away. She had left it too late. It was far too late. Regret ate her inside.

"How is he?" She asked the doctor, she never saw his features and she never bothered to ask his name. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

"Stable, as good as we can expect. We're bringing him out slowly but frankly Entil'Zha we'll be lucky if he doesn't arrest as soon as he's awake."

"He wont." She said with more confidence than she felt. 

"You know, my brother is a Ranger. I believe he's on Minbar right now." He said but she wasn't listening. He watched her face as she concentrated on the man lying on the bed. It seemed as if he were the only thing she cared about right now. 

"When will he come out of it?" She asked.

"An hour, maybe less." He replied.

"In that case, you can go." She stated not looking at him.

"But Captain Sheridan said..."

"I don't give a damn what he said!" She exclaimed finally looking at him. "I can handle things from here. Leave."

At this moment the woman before him was not the stately Entil'Zha his brother had described meeting, she was definitely the woman who had seen this station through the Wars. He left, she had a reputation of doing damage to people and he knew she was carrying her Minbari fighting pike.

The moment he was gone Susan locked the door and began her preparations. She opened the box she had brought in with her. Garibaldi, who had carried it here, believed that it contained the objects for a ritual. It did. There were candles and flowers and wine. She'd tried to be romantic but it now just felt corny and inadequate. All she wanted now was a few hours. Please just a few hours.

She set up her candles and her flowers, trying to disguise the dingy room but not really managing. Her flurry of activity ended and the room seemed very empty. So she sat and watched him. He was sleeping. Her thoughts had time to wander and she thought about the Minbari tradition of the female watching the male for three nights while he slept. It sounded vaguely ridiculous. All that hoohah about his 'true face' and yet the more she watched him the more she came to believe it. As it always was when beliefs came to her, it hit her hard.

A cough came from the bed and Susan's head snapped up. She was on her feet in a heartbeat and by his side in another. 

"Susan." He gasped.

"Ssh!" She soothed. "I'm here."

"I'm dreaming." He stated flatly.

"Don't..." She began as she touched his eyes. "Don't open your eyes." She grabbed her hand back.

"Why?" His voice was like a whisper. "Why, if it's not a dream?"

"Maybe it's my dream." She whispered back.

"I'm in YOUR dream? That I don't believe!"

"I really hurt you didn't I?" Susan said bitterly.

"Just a couple of minor wounds." He smiled. "But I'll live." 

She grimaced at the words and called out to all the forces in the universe for the strength she needed to tell him the truth. She chickened out.

"I've often dreamt of you." She admitted awkwardly instead. "Each time, always the same. You look at me for a long time - just look - then you turn and walk away."

"Doesn't sound like me." He said in that chirpy manner which was simultaneously endearing and irritating. No one had ever irritated her quite as much as this man and she always was a person easily irritated.

Susan couldn't stand the suspense of the situation any longer and his cheerful tone just made it worse, so she just went for it bluntly.

"Marcus... what's the last thing you remember?" She asked flatly but with an expression that spoke of her fear at his reply.

Lying there with his eyes still shut, because if this was a dream he didn't want to wake up, Marcus frowned as he tried to conjure up a memory. There seemed to be a decided lack of them.

"Someone shutting a door in my face." He replied at length but it didn't seem right. She almost smiled despite the situation. So he irritated other people too, comforting.

"That's the very last thing?" She reiterated.

"Yes...Susan? What's going on?"

"You want the truth?" She asked weakly, then chided herself out loud. "Of course you want the truth. That's why I'm standing here, 'cause you deserve it." 

"Susan..." The tone was threatening. He made the mistake of attempting to sit up; he turned out to be very weak and barely made it. Susan jumped forward instinctively and tried to push him back.

"You're weak... Just lie back..." She told him just as he opened his eyes. She found herself looking directly into them. She had forgotten just how remarkable his eyes were.

"Bloody hell!" He exclaimed as he looked at her. 

Susan drew back from him, not even attempting to hide the pain. His eyes were wide with shock as he watched her move away. He was still weak but he moved onto his side so that he could continue to look at her face.

"Don't try to..." She began trying to tell him to lie back down and not tire himself but stopped part way though as she took in his expression of pure horror. It stopped her words and almost stopped her breath. He thinks I'm old and ugly, a traitorous part of her mind threw up at her to cause her more pain, not beautiful any more.

The moment, as Marcus stared steadily at her face, felt as if it went on forever.

"This is the part of the dream where you walk away from me." Susan said without thinking. The horrified expression went away to be replaced by an awful mask of controlled anger.

"Explain." He stated flatly. For the first time in their relationship he was the dominant one and she the underdog.

"I was dying." She began suddenly. "You gave me your 'life energy' or some such thing."

The exact moment that the memories came back to him was obvious in the look of stunned surprise which crossed his face.

"We couldn't save you, although Stephen did try." She continued in a rush. 

"Then this isn't a dream? I'm dead." It was flatly spoken, cold, like a dead man. She shook her head.

"Stephen found a heartbeat, a faint heartbeat. He couldn't keep you alive but he couldn't let you die. So he put you into cryo." 

She couldn't look at him.

"You thought you'd be able to find a cure?" He was incredulous. "for **DEATH**?" Susan looked back up at him and saw him lying on his back again looking stunned.

"You brought me back. Lorien brought John back." She insisted as she went over to the bed. He turned his head away from her. Why did it suddenly seem so important? How could she argue with him when she agreed with him. Yet she did argue the side of her old friends as she had come to accept it. It was her token attempt to see it their way.

"So.. I've been in cryo?" His tone was mocking. He looked up at her suddenly. "I'm cured now, am I? Of being dead?" The mockery was ladled with a spoon.

Susan looked away from his spite, taking all the blame.

"I know it's stupid, but I did look for a cure." She laughed at herself. "I must've searched nearly the whole galaxy. I was ready to go beyond the Rim after Lorien."

Something touched her cheek and she jumped. He'd managed to raise his hand to brush her face. He was looking at the spot he'd touched, then higher. Their eyes met. Both of them sad and lost.

"How long?" He asked quietly. Tears welled in her eyes. She violently surpressed them.

"Thirty-three years." She stated simply. He turned his head away as he gasped his shock. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Where are we?" He interrupted looking back at her.

"Babylon Five." She told him.

"It's still here." He commented as if discussing the weather. "Did we win?"

"Technically, but it was no victory." She shrugged.

"No war ever is." He replied sadly. "It's just better than losing."

Silence made the moment long. He looked at her face. She looked at the floor.

"You're still the same." He said softly. Her head snapped up.

"Are you blind? Have you seen my hair? The lines on my face?" She was incredulous. "When it's cold my bones actually ache." He was smiling a distinctly sheepish smile that gladdened her tired heart.

"Don't care." He told her. "That's all what you are, not who you are." He paused to make sure he was looking directly into her eyes. "You're still the same Susan."

Susan looked at him sadly. She didn't see his statement as a compliment.

"I'm not the same Marcus." She said seriously. "At least, I hope I'm not." She took as step back and indicated at her clothes. "Haven't you noticed what I'm wearing?"

"No." He replied honestly. "I was too amazed at coming back from the dead and finding the most beautiful woman in the galaxy hovering over me as if she cared." He was fighting back a grin. 

"Well look now then." She muttered irritably, but flattered that he still thought so. 

And he looked. And he frowned.

"You're a Ranger?" His eyes were wide again. She put her hands into the traditional greeting, bowed and greeted him in perfect Minbari. He grinned. "You've improved."

"I've had plenty of practice. You don't get to be Ranger One without being able to speak Minbari."

"Ranger One..?!" He exclaimed and she reveled in the moment of triumph. She'd been waiting years for this moment. "You're kidding me?"

"You're surprised by me doing so well?" It was bluff. She was still surprised by it.

"Frankly, yes." Marcus told her without malice. "But only when it comes to the Rangers. Seems you have changed."

"I hope so." She said seriously. "I've learnt tolerance and belief.. and love." She deliberately met his eyes.

"You're married?" He asked past a golfball in his throat.

"No." She answered.

"Children?" He asked.

"No." She answered. "I left B5 after you..." She paused. "..were put into cryo."

"You left?!" He exclaimed. "Because of me?"

"Mostly." She smiled. "It got complicated in a hurry." Susan shrugged off the past.

"So how did you end up with the Rangers?" He sounded curious.

"It wasn't immediately after I left here." She was embarrassed by some of the things she'd done in those strange lost years. She wanted to gloss over it but couldn't lie. "I wandered. I fought. I searched. I didn't always do the right thing. Somewhere along the line I became an Admiral. Somehow people ended up thinking of me as a war hero."

"The Voice of the Resistance." Marcus teased.

"Don't remind me." Susan rolled her eyes. "Sometime during those years I lost my way."

"Lost your way?" He was frowning and she knew she wasn't telling the truth.

"I felt that..." Just say it. "I always knew that you were here, in cryo, because of me. How could I be a hero when I'd screwed up so badly."

"You didn't do anything." He cut in. "It was my choice."

"I felt guilty." She stated bluntly. He had a permanent frown now. "I always knew how you felt about me. I thought I was protecting you by pushing you away. Everyone I.. care about dies."

"Care about?" He prompted. She didn't take the bait.

"I thought that I'd screwed up again and lost another person but with you in cryo it seemed like there was half a chance." 

"So you searched for a quote cure unquote." He smiled wryly. "And you found one." 

Moment of truth, Susan thought to herself. She took his hands into hers and sat on the edge of the bed. He smiled up at her.

"No." She said.

"No?" He asked, having lost track of what they were talking about when she took his hand.

"I didn't find a cure." She told him into his eyes. "No potions, no magic, no rituals. No cure."

He looked deeply into her eyes as he thought about it.

"How long have I got?" He asked after a few moments.

"I don't know." She answered honestly. "A few hours at most. I wasn't even sure that your heart wouldn't fail when we brought you out of it."

"Who's we?" He asked absently.

"Just some doctor. I don't think I asked his name." She paused momentarily. "Although we used info that Stephen left for me and John and Michael pointed me to."

"Sheridan? Is he?" 

"He's dead. One day he.. just went." 

"And Stephen...? I should ask about my ex after all?" He quipped but there was something hollow about it.

"Last I heard he was on Mars. I think he got married. I lost touch with everyone except John and Delenn."

"How is she?" His smile was genuine as he asked.

"Still fighting." Susan smiled. "Missing John, although she claims that he's still with her in some strange way." 

"Knowing Sheridan I'm sure he wouldn't go beyond the veil until he was good and ready."

"You're probably right." They smiled together.

"So... what happens now?" He asked after a long moment of looking into her eyes. His hands rubbed lightly over hers. 

"I wanted to tell you the good things. I wanted to tell you how you helped me to make a difference."

"How did I do anything? I've been an icicle for thirty years."

"You gave me your life, and after I stopped being guilty about that, I started living it."

"You said you were lost. How did you get found?" 

"After seven years of behaving like an idiot and endangering everyone around me, I went to Minbar. I begged John for a ship to go beyond the Rim."

"Flipping heck, you didn't value that life I gave you very much did you?!" He exclaimed.

"At the time I thought that I was helping you." She insisted.

"Being bloody minded, more like." He muttered. Susan decided to ignore the comment, there was no suitable answer.

"John wouldn't give me a ship." She continued.

"I always liked Sheridan." Marcus commented. She continued regardless.

"He managed to shout me down when I complained and he helped me see how crazed I'd become. I stayed with him and Delenn for a few months and somehow she talked me into visiting the Rangers. Next thing I knew I was one of them."

"That's when you learnt Minbari?" 

"That's when I learned to THINK in Minbari. I'd worked out the language of the religious caste and the warrior caste during my wanderings. I picked up the worker language early on in my training."

"How did they react to 'Admiral' Ivanova?" He smiled.

"Better than I did." She grinned and let her hands wander to his forearms. He pretended not to notice. "I got no preference and those endless rituals gave me time to stop and think. You know, I'd never really done that before. I'd always reacted to circumstances. I learnt how to take it easier and enjoy the scenery for a while."

"That's the same lesson I learnt." He grinned. "After my brother died at the hands of the Shadows. I was bitter and wanted to destroy things. The Rangers helped me learn to build things instead." 

"Yeah." Susan grinned back. "Me too."

"Something in common?" He asked with a twisted smile.

"We always had a lot in common." She told him. "I was just so blind that I couldn't see it. Selfish, I guess. I didn't want to get hurt again. It took me a lot to learn that getting hurt is only half the story. You have to take a chance on the good stuff to balance out the bad."

"Susan.. You know how I feel..." He tried to tell her seriously. "You said you don't know how long I might have. I just want to say..."

"I just wanted you to live with me through the life you gave me. I wanted you to know that it wasn't wasted."

"I never doubted that you would use it well." He insisted. "Finish your story, since it's so important to you that you tell me." He smiled. "I'm enjoying your journey of enlightenment."

"I enjoyed it too." She said seriously, ignoring his gentle mockery. "I'd already been around the galaxy blowing things up, it was a novelty to go around again helping people to rebuild. You'd have loved it. The Rangers have managed to become something more than just anonymous warriors that no one recognises. We've turned into a force for change and strength. Sometimes we fight off raiders and guard shipments of supplies, medicine and stuff like that. More often we just generally help out with whatever people need. We trade with aliens on a hundred worlds. We help people that suffer and we've suffered with them. Sometimes people died. People I cared for." She took a shaky breath. "I never liked it but I learnt to accept it."

"How did they feel about being helped by an infamous war legend?" He asked with insight.

"The uniform helped. No one pictured Ivanova as a Ranger. There were tough times. I was kicked off Ha'tre 3 for a stupid fight that someone else started. But I learned to embrace it too and used all that Voice of the Resistance hoohah to make people believe I could make a difference in their lives. Some believed, some didn't, it was their choice."

"You mean you didn't threaten them with any random acts of physical violence." Marcus mocked.

"Only when I had to." She said coolly, then smiled. He laughed. "I went home to Minbar just before John died. Delenn's role changed after that. She stepped down as Entil'Zha and someone seemed to think that I'd do a good job. So I ended up as Ranger One." He found the strength to pull his hands out of hers and form the greeting. 

"Entil'Zha." He bowed his head a little and greeted her formally in Minbari. She couldn't tell if he was joking or being serious. She hoped it was meant seriously, because it meant that he understood what she had become and respected her for it.

"Every time some else said it to me, I remembered you." She smiled. "I sometimes think that I've lived my life and yours. I trashed half the galaxy looking for a way to cure death."

"Highly symbolic." Marcus interjected.

"You traveled with the Rangers, did good deeds and became Entil'Zha." Susan finished.

"Not me, no high ambitions." He shook his head and reached for her hands again. "Although I'd have liked to have traveled with you around the galaxy."

"As Admiral or Ranger?" Her lips twitched.

"As long as I was with you it wouldn't have made any difference. We'd have hitch hiked our way trashing it and then rebuilding it in our own image. The war legend and the fool." He said sincerely, if a touch sadly. 

"A perfect galaxy created by the two of us." Susan smiled and looked down at their joined hands.

"I love you." Marcus stated out of the blue. She looked up sharply. 

"I love you too." She replied simply. He grinned, it was a positively beaming smile. 

"I think that, after all this time, **that** deserves at least one kiss but I don't know if I can sit up." He told her.

"You don't need to do anything." She told him as she leant forward. 

Eyes locked as they moved closer. The years that now separated them were forgotten as if they did not exist. At the last moment they closed their eyes and their lips met. Love and passion flared across time and gave them both strength enough to embrace on the uncomfortable medical bed. Unfortunately it was not strength enough to do anything else but it didn't matter. Somehow Susan managed to lie beside Marcus on the narrow bed and they both reveled in just holding on. At last.

"Why now?" Marcus asked at length.

"What?" Susan asked in return. It was the question she'd been dreading. He moved so he could look into her eyes.

"Why do this now?" He reiterated. "Why come here and tell me all this?"

"If I'm honest, it was partly guilt." She admitted. "I wasn't going to leave you here indefinitely. I had to tell you that your sacrifice had achieved something. I wanted you to be proud."

"I am, but I didn't need that." He reassured. It helped. She'd needed to hear him say it.

"If I was being truly fair I would have come years ago. I'm still selfish I'm afraid. Seems you were right, nothing's really changed."

There was a very long pause and Susan was just about to break it with some nonsense, some joke. Marcus got there first with the truth.

"You're dying too." He stated with sudden, horrific, clarity. She sighed and nodded.

"Cancer in my spine. I only have a few months at the outside."

"No." He stated. "I wont let you do it." She stared at him wide eyed.

"Do what?" She demanded.

"Kill yourself." He replied. She stilled. "I was right. That's what you came here to do." He was incredulous.

Lying side by side they stared at each other. She couldn't lie and tell him it wasn't true. The painkiller cartridges were in the pouch at her waist. She pulled out the syringe and showed it to him.

"Morphazine, a designer synth-painkiller. I have lots of it because I was travelling so far away from regular supplies. The doctor told me that he didn't think I was suicidal." She smiled wryly. "I still have alcohol in my blood from a small drinking binge last night." She told him. "I'll go to sleep and never wake up." She sighed and used her other hand to stroke his hair. Her smile was sad. "We'll fall asleep together. By the time they find us it'll be to late to revive us or tuck us away into cryo. We'll already be beyond the veil."

"Susan.." He whispered as he touched her whitening hair, uncaring of it's colour. All he saw was the woman he remembered from his yesterday. 

"It's the best way. It's the only way." She frowned. "I wont lose you again." Their lips met for a long moment. 

When they pulled apart it wasn't very far and Susan let her head rest in the curve of his neck. She'd never wanted so much to be alive.

"What use was life without you?" The words were out before she could stop them. "Did I really say something that cheesy?" She tried to deny them but Marcus pulled back with surprising speed. His eyes were bright and clear when they met hers and she knew that he could see the truth there. 

"We never had a chance." His complained as he stroked her face. He saw no wrinkles.

"That's the reason I came back. You loved me enough to give me life. Well, I love you so much that if there is a life beyond the veil I don't want you left hanging here in cryo. Your gift to me was life, my gift is death. And hey, I always said I was going to kill you. I'm just keeping my word." She smiled and kissed him. "I want you with me wherever we end up, even if that's nowhere." 

"Thank you for coming back." He said seriously, then adopted a know-all expression. "You know, I handled our relationship all wrong. I should have seduced you and then demanded that you marry me." 

"You think I'd have gone along with that!" She exclaimed.

"I could have lived with the bruises." He quipped. "And you would have calmed down as soon as you realised that you loved me. I think you'd have appreciated me more if I'd just ordered you around." 

"I'd have had you hand delivered to Stephen. You wouldn't have left Medlab for a month."

"You talk big now..."

"I'd have done it."

"...probably, but I'm the forgiving type. I'd still have married you. You'd have yelled and complained but you would have come around." He said with assurance. Susan began to suspect that it might actually have been the truth. Instead of answering him and continuing the pleasant bickering, she kissed him. 

Time was running out. It seemed as if the last of the life they had was shared out between them as they embraced. They were one being waiting for death, ready to be accepted into its bright fold. As Marcus grew stronger, Susan felt herself grow weaker. After a short while, Marcus' strength waned too. They sunk deeper into one another until all the energy was spent. The candles in the room flickered as they neared their end. The roses wilted and bowed their heads as if in respect to the presence of death in the room. Death itself waited over them, giving them space to perform their parting ritual to this life. Neither of them noticed anything but each other.

"I think it's time." Marcus said into her hair.

"I'm almost sure that there is something beyond death." She acknowledged.

"But only 'almost'." He agreed.

"When I was on the Whitestar looking for the First Ones, before the battle with the Shadows and the Vorlons, Lorien told me that eternal love is the best illusion that humans have. He was convinced that it wasn't real, not in the spirit of the universe or some such thing, and yet he told me to embrace it. I thought it was hooey." Marcus smiled but said nothing. "If you ask me, there was a guy who'd lived **so** long that he thought he knew **every** _damn_ _thing_ about _everything_, but actually didn't _really_ know anything. I mean, what does an immortal know about death?"

"Absolutely nothing." Marcus agreed, hiding a smile.

"Are you laughing at me?" She demanded.

"I'm just wondering why you're so adamant about discussing it right now."

"It seems like a relevant moment." She commented dryly.

"You know, in a short while we wont need to discuss it at all." He held her hands firmly in his grasp. "I loved you the moment I saw you. If there's something after death then I'll face it with you. If there's nothing, then let the universe remember that I'm grateful for these few hours it gave us together. No matter how those moments came about, I'm grateful."

"I love you." She told him firmly. 

"I'll take the morphazine too."

"Are you in pain?" She asked, concerned. She hadn't even thought about that..

"No." He answered. "But neither of us wants to watch the other die. So, we just fall asleep."

"I have enough for two." She smiled sadly.

"Then I'll give you yours and vice versa."

They injected each other with more and more of the cartridges until all were empty. In truth, Susan had the biggest dose because she needed it. Marcus just wanted sleep so that he wouldn't have to see the moment her body died.

Susan let the syringe fall to the floor once she'd injected the last cartridge into his arm.

"One last thing." She said and pulled out the small cloth pouch from her waist. "I was holding these for you." She told him. Out of the bag came his fighting pike and his Ranger pin. "It never shed any tears so I knew you weren't dead." Her own eyes filled with tears as the drug started to kick in and made control increasingly difficult. With unsteady hands, she pinned it onto the front of the medical gown. Tears streamed down her face as, for the first time, in her life Susan Ivanova - hero of the Civil War, Voice of the Resistance, EarthForce Admiral, Entil'Zha of the Rangers - gave in completely to her emotions and truly cried her heart out. She buried her face into his neck like a frightened child.

Marcus put his arms around her trembling figure and held on as tight as he could. His own tears matted her hair. He had no idea why he was crying but it was very cathartic. He felt a veil begin to fall over his eyes turning the world into a grey and tawdry place. Then, as if from nowhere, a light began to swell around them. 

"Susan!" Marcus hissed at her. Her crying stopped as suddenly as it had begun. She looked up and around them.

"Valen's name!" She exclaimed and Marcus looked at her in surprise. He'd never expected those words from her lips. The light was a greater fascination and he concentrated back on it.

"Susan?" A woman's voice called out.

"Marcus?" A man's voice called out a moment later.

The couple on the bed looked at each other with grins on their faces as they recognised their long dead relations; mother and brother. 

"Well..?" John Sheridan's voice said from somewhere in the light. "...Are you coming then?" They could hear his infectious grin in the words.

"We've been expecting you two for some time." Jeff Sinclair's voice added. "The next story couldn't begin without you." He was smiling too.

In the uninteresting room on Babylon Five - in one Possibility, in the first Galaxy, in Firstspace, in the first Realm of time and matter - the last of the candles guttered and died. Somewhere else, Marcus took Susan's hand and they went took the step together into the new Possibilities of the next Realm.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"Delenn?" Lennier called as he hurried into the garden where he knew he'd find her. She walked out from behind a box hedge and smiled at him. When she saw his flushed state the expression on her face became inquiring and concerned. "There's a signal for you coming in from Babylon Five." He told her.

Delenn was seized with a sudden knowledge.

"Come with me Lennier." She cried as she ran into the building. He followed at a more dignified speed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Delenn ran her hand over the sensor and the image of the back of a mans head appeared on the monitor. Delenn looked at Lennier in puzzlement for a moment, then back at the screen.

"Hello?" She asked. "You have some news for me?" Her eyes went wide when she saw the face of the man. 

"Michael!" She exclaimed. Garibaldi's face was grim and he seemed much older than his years. His eyes held a great burden.

"Hello Delenn." He said with a wry smile. "I have bad news. There's no easy way to say it." He paused to rub the back of his neck. "I understand you had gotten quite close to Susan..."

"They're dead, aren't they?" Delenn cut into his prepared speech.

"How did you know?" He asked, completely thrown.

"Who's dead." Lennier asked Delenn but Garibaldi answered.

"Marcus and Susan." He said.

"Marcus...?" Lennier was confused.

"She wanted to revive him from the cryo unit." Garibaldi's tone held a note of incredulity. "We all just figured that she'd found some kind of cure. Heck, even John's message implied it. We'd never have let her if we'd known what she was planning...." He shook his head.

"John's message?" Delenn asked, her face alight with the possibilities.

"Yeah, on a data crystal in the box Susan brought with her."

"Ah!" Delenn acknowledged with a smile on her face, as the pieces fit together in her mind. "He knew. He knew before all of us." 

"What did she do?" Lennier demanded, trying desperately to work out this cryptic conversation.

"The right thing." Delenn merely added to the cryptic nature of it all.

"That's a matter of opinion." Garibaldi muttered and then explained for Lennier's benefit. "She revived Marcus, then they killed themselves." He was still incredulous. Lennier's eyes went wide as he took in the news.

"Did she tell you Michael?" Delenn asked. "About her disease?"

"What!?" He exclaimed. Obviously she hadn't.

"She was dying and he was waiting for her, as good as dead already."

"That's supposed to make it alright!" He asked bitterly and she nodded.

"It is just. In balance." 

"Delenn, that's..."

"What time did they die?" She asked.

"Doctor Travis pronounced them at...uh...3:33 am, station time." He told her and was surprised when she beamed at him.

"Earth date and therefore station date, is March third." She said with deliberation. "Three, thirty-three, on the third day of the third month, thirty-three years after Marcus gave his life."

"All three's." Lennier stated pointlessly.

"All one." Delenn grinned. "It is a sign." She proclaimed. "A profound one for them where they have gone and for us left behind. Come Lennier and fetch me an acolyte. This day must be remembered with ceremony." She inclined her head at Garibaldi respectfully and hurried away. Lennier also bowed respectfully to the monitor and followed her.

Garibaldi stared after their retreating figures from the screen.

"Aliens!" He muttered wryly. "I'll never get used to them." He shrugged and cut the transmission.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"The end." Zathras said firmly from where he'd watched the proceedings.

"No, **not** the end." Zathras told Zathras. "Time for different chapter in Great Story. Mark what Zathras tells you. Zathras knows... "   


X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X

**Mailto:**

[Erykah@hamadryad.com][1]

[KeTal_Anlashok@england.com][2]

**Homepages:**

[http://www.hamadryad.com][3]

[http://www.classified-writings.com][4]   


_"Obscurum per obscurius, ignotum per ignotius.. let the obscure be_   
_explained by the more obscure, the unknown by the more unknown."_

> - **_Clive Barker, The Great & Secret Show_**

  
X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X ~ X

   [1]: mailto:Erykah@hamadryad.com
   [2]: mailto:KeTal_Anlashok@england.com
   [3]: http://www.hamadryad.com/
   [4]: http://www.classified-writings.com/



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